from a different perspective
Sylvester grew up in Kalingalinga, a city just about five kilometers north-east of the Lusaka, the Capital. It's a small compound with a lot of people. As of a year ago, Kalingalinga has a population of more than 16, 000 with only 1, 500 housing units. Large families often live together with children sleeping on the floors instead of beds. Lots of houses do not have running water and many still don't have electricity. Everyone in the city regularly burns their trash, releasing toxins into the air and producing tremendous amounts of smoke. There are huge open trash piles that children and animals can be seen climbing in searching for food and treasures. There is a small church on every corner but still greatly outnumbered by the bars playing loud music and serving alcohol at all times of the day and night. The dirt roads have sharp rocks and potholes big enough to loose a small child into. For those with electricity, it is sure to be shut off every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday for hours at a time. Diapers are bought at the corner market one at a time when needed. There are no phone lines into the neighborhood, but everyone seems to have a cell phone. You buy talk time and load it onto a phone when you need to make a call. Some have refrigerators and stoves, but most still cook on an open charcoal fire and store their leftovers in cooking pans on the floor to use at the next meal. I'm told that chicken is good for 4-5 days once it has been cooked and nothing really has to be refrigerated. Many families can't afford to send their children to school even though tuition through grade 7, is free. The cost of uniform, shoes, and school supplies is just to much to afford. Children make their own toys from trash and play outside all day with little adult supervision. Older children are totally left in charge of their younger siblings, sometimes all day. Chickens roam the neighborhood looking for food, then run right back to their owners yards. Any dog, even someone's pet, found on the street will be shot with no questions asked. Babies are wrapped on backs with a chitenge cloth as their mothers do all of the housework. The women never seem to stop working and girls learn how to cook and clean from a very young age. It's just so different than what my family is used to in Frisco, Texas...
Before we went on our trip to Zambia, we were really curious (and maybe a bit nervous) about how our children would react to all of the different situations that can come with visiting a foreign country.
The kids and I had heard a lot about Zambia but this was our very first trip. We thought it would be very important to speak to our 4 year old son about what to expect, how to react, and what was acceptable. I'm really glad we did. And I'm really impressed with the way our DS handled himself.
I really loved Zambia. In fact, I would absolutely love to live there one day. The trip was the most amazing thing I have ever done, but it was even more amazing to watch our children experience it. Our daughter was just 1 1/2 so she just sort of goes along with anything. I'm not even sure that she was aware of the differences, she was just pleased to have cousins to play with. Our Son is 4 1/2 and absolutely noticed everything that was different from his home in Texas.
The kids and I had heard a lot about Zambia but this was our very first trip. We thought it would be very important to speak to our 4 year old son about what to expect, how to react, and what was acceptable. I'm really glad we did. And I'm really impressed with the way our DS handled himself.
I really loved Zambia. In fact, I would absolutely love to live there one day. The trip was the most amazing thing I have ever done, but it was even more amazing to watch our children experience it. Our daughter was just 1 1/2 so she just sort of goes along with anything. I'm not even sure that she was aware of the differences, she was just pleased to have cousins to play with. Our Son is 4 1/2 and absolutely noticed everything that was different from his home in Texas.
We gave our son some important instructions to follow...
If someone gives you something, smile and say thank you... no matter how you feel about it.
If someone gives you food or a drink, ask Mommy or Daddy first.
If the food is different, taste it. If you don't like it, smile and eat what you can.
If the potties are different, or there isn't one, that's life... use the potty that is there and don't complain about it.
If you are nervous, talk to Mommy or Daddy... but quietly.
If things are dirty, or smell different, or look different, be thankful for what you have and think about ways to help instead of complain.
If someone is dressed differently, think about why they don't have nice shoes or have holes in their clothes instead of pointing and drawing attention to it.
If you have extra, share.
We talked about these things a lot. We had many conversations and did some role playing to practice. Our son is Zambian as he will quickly point out, but he's not used to Zambia and we didn't want him to come off as spoiled, or ungrateful, or rude.
I could not be more proud of how he handled himself. From the first day that he met his cousins, he just fell right into the group and did what ever they did. If they were playing soccer barefoot, so was he. If they walked to the corner store to get snacks, so did he. If they were speaking Nyanja, so did he (well he tried his best). If the lights went out, he just kept playing. If the food was different, he ate it, smiled, and whispered in my ear "this isn't my favorite but i'm doing my best ok Mommy?"
If someone gives you something, smile and say thank you... no matter how you feel about it.
If someone gives you food or a drink, ask Mommy or Daddy first.
If the food is different, taste it. If you don't like it, smile and eat what you can.
If the potties are different, or there isn't one, that's life... use the potty that is there and don't complain about it.
If you are nervous, talk to Mommy or Daddy... but quietly.
If things are dirty, or smell different, or look different, be thankful for what you have and think about ways to help instead of complain.
If someone is dressed differently, think about why they don't have nice shoes or have holes in their clothes instead of pointing and drawing attention to it.
If you have extra, share.
We talked about these things a lot. We had many conversations and did some role playing to practice. Our son is Zambian as he will quickly point out, but he's not used to Zambia and we didn't want him to come off as spoiled, or ungrateful, or rude.
I could not be more proud of how he handled himself. From the first day that he met his cousins, he just fell right into the group and did what ever they did. If they were playing soccer barefoot, so was he. If they walked to the corner store to get snacks, so did he. If they were speaking Nyanja, so did he (well he tried his best). If the lights went out, he just kept playing. If the food was different, he ate it, smiled, and whispered in my ear "this isn't my favorite but i'm doing my best ok Mommy?"
The first day we went to visit the Zambian Vocal Group Academy he of course needed to go to the bathroom. I had been dreading this moment since we arrived. The bathrooms at the school are not exactly up to American standards. Outside of the school walls, there are 8 bathroom stalls. Some have doors, some do not. There are no toilets, just holes in the concrete floor. Brandon looks excited and shouts, "I get to poop in a hole?!" With no previous squatting practice, DS needed some help balancing but he figured it out. He was most excited to report that there were worms down there eating the poop. Then he gave his dad a lesson on how worms were important and why. (thanks PBS wild kratts show)
Walking home one Sunday, he stopped to look at the huge pile of trash right across the street from the church. "You know Dad, if they recycled those plastic bottles, they wouldn't have so much trash and they could save the earth"... not yuck it smells... not why is the trash on the road... not this place stinks... but an offer to help. Seriously this kid amazes me.
We pile about 20 people into a van to get home from Vacation Bible School and he's excited because it's so crowded that he can't see out of a window. The electricity goes out and he joins a sing-a-long with his cousins being let by his Uncle Kennedy. His dinner is a fish, eyes and all, and it's staring up at him from his plate... he speaks to it first, giggles, then eats it. His cousins don't have beds, so he wants to go home and get his bunk bed and bring it to Zambia. He's excited to leave all of his clothes and shoes for his cousins to wear. He loves it so much at the family house that he often cries when we have to take him back to our rented apartment for bedtime.
I'm really not sure why I was even worried about him adapting. He wants to live in Zambia so that he can play with his cousins every day. I don't really have an argument for that. I loved every minute that we were there. The spirit of every person I met in Zambia was just amazing. Sylvester's family operates differently than any other family I have ever met. They are truly a family unit all working together. Everyone seems to have a role. Each adult either earns money, or works at home. Each child helps out with chores and looks out for their siblings or cousins. They have taken in family members that needed a place to live. They love each other and it's really obvious to anyone looking in. They pool what little money they have to help each other go to school, or get a job, or start a business. They are the hardest working people I have ever met. The best thing was that they loved me, and my children like we had always been a part of the family.
All of Brandon's cousins watched over him while they played together. Each Aunt and Uncle would step in and praise, help, or discipline a child, no matter who they belonged to. I'm not sure that Maddie's feet ever hit the ground as there was always an Auntie or cousin to wrap her on their backs "papu" style anytime she wanted. She was quite pleased with all of this attention and still requests papu now that we are home.
We miss our family like crazy and are wishing we could go back to Zambia already. Now that we have seen how easily our children adapt to life there, we are even more excited to get them back. The cost of the plane tickets is so great that it will probably be several more years before we can save up enough money to go again. That makes me really sad as there are so many things that I still need to do at the Zambian Vocal Group Academy. Sylvester will likely return next year for the mission trip, and i'm dreading the moment when we have to tell Brandon that he can't go. That little boys heart is in Zambia and I think it always will be. I can tell from his spirit and attitude that he is going to grow up and be just like his Daddy, and I couldn't be more proud of him!
We pile about 20 people into a van to get home from Vacation Bible School and he's excited because it's so crowded that he can't see out of a window. The electricity goes out and he joins a sing-a-long with his cousins being let by his Uncle Kennedy. His dinner is a fish, eyes and all, and it's staring up at him from his plate... he speaks to it first, giggles, then eats it. His cousins don't have beds, so he wants to go home and get his bunk bed and bring it to Zambia. He's excited to leave all of his clothes and shoes for his cousins to wear. He loves it so much at the family house that he often cries when we have to take him back to our rented apartment for bedtime.
I'm really not sure why I was even worried about him adapting. He wants to live in Zambia so that he can play with his cousins every day. I don't really have an argument for that. I loved every minute that we were there. The spirit of every person I met in Zambia was just amazing. Sylvester's family operates differently than any other family I have ever met. They are truly a family unit all working together. Everyone seems to have a role. Each adult either earns money, or works at home. Each child helps out with chores and looks out for their siblings or cousins. They have taken in family members that needed a place to live. They love each other and it's really obvious to anyone looking in. They pool what little money they have to help each other go to school, or get a job, or start a business. They are the hardest working people I have ever met. The best thing was that they loved me, and my children like we had always been a part of the family.
All of Brandon's cousins watched over him while they played together. Each Aunt and Uncle would step in and praise, help, or discipline a child, no matter who they belonged to. I'm not sure that Maddie's feet ever hit the ground as there was always an Auntie or cousin to wrap her on their backs "papu" style anytime she wanted. She was quite pleased with all of this attention and still requests papu now that we are home.
We miss our family like crazy and are wishing we could go back to Zambia already. Now that we have seen how easily our children adapt to life there, we are even more excited to get them back. The cost of the plane tickets is so great that it will probably be several more years before we can save up enough money to go again. That makes me really sad as there are so many things that I still need to do at the Zambian Vocal Group Academy. Sylvester will likely return next year for the mission trip, and i'm dreading the moment when we have to tell Brandon that he can't go. That little boys heart is in Zambia and I think it always will be. I can tell from his spirit and attitude that he is going to grow up and be just like his Daddy, and I couldn't be more proud of him!